The 3 C’s of a Loving, Lasting, Happy Marriage: Consistency

The three C’s of a loving, lasting, happy marriage; commitment, communication and consistency.

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Why is consistency part of my three C’s?

When we meet that special someone, and we take the time to get to know them, we are assessing their qualities. Trying to decide if we can relate to this person for the long term. So those qualities we fell in love with are vital to be there after the courting stage is over. That is one reason why I believe longer courtships are important, the more time you spend with someone the better chance for you to see who that person really is. If that same person changes who they are after a few months or years, then that can kill a relationship. When I think of my marriage, I can truly say my husband has been consistent, consistent with who he is, how he treats me, consistent with his love and respect for me. I fell in love with him and those qualities. Him remaining consistent in those qualities has been a vital part of our happiness.

I remember when dating my husband I made it my goal to cook him specials meals. I would take the time to learn different recipes. What man doesn’t like a good meal right? But did I stop doing that after I knew I had “won” him? No, I just worked harder at crafting the cooking skills. I can tell you he still compliments my cooking and loves the passion I put into cooking a yummy meal.

Don’t be taken in by someone that promises you things or tells you impressive things about themselves. While attending college, I met a few of those types of guys and thankfully I didn’t fall for the way they tried to woo me with this sort of talk. My parents taught me values and what to look for in people, so I wasn’t taken in by such individuals.

Relationships are intricate and actions always cause reactions. If we stop doing the things that were appreciated or relied on by our significant other, we should expect and will get an adverse reaction.

How do you ensure consistency in your relationship? Here are a few tips:

  1. Don’t start something you can’t or won’t continue. You don’t want to set high expectations that you can’t maintain.
  2. Don’t pretend to like something that someone else loves. Eventually, you will stop being involved, and they will wonder what happened and be disappointed.
  3. Find out what your significant other likes and keep doing those things. If you enjoy them, then both of you will be smiling.
  4. Don’t get lazy about your relationship. You have to keep doing these activities to have a successful relationship.
  5. Remember, marriage is hard; it takes work.

Successful relationships have a strong commitment; there are constant communication and consistency.

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” 
-Andre Maurois

Sometimes you need to push the RESET button!

Some of you may have thought I fell off the face of the earth…

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No, I didn’t fall off the earth literally, but I did lose touch with a lot of things. It’s been a rough year to say the least. We all go through difficult times in our lives and dealing with them is unique to each individual. I didn’t deal as well as I thought I might or maybe how I thought I should. I think some of us put pressure on ourselves to rise above the challenges or pain, that’s what I was doing. I don’t recommend it.

The last two years I have put a lot of things off or put minimum effort into them. I have been wrapped up in the emotions that go along with having a parent fighting cancer. As I wrote in a previous blog, my Dad had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Non-Smokers Lung Cancer in 2013. I spent that las two years trying to spend as much time as I could with him. Believe me, I don’t think it was enough. I wanted and needed more time. Not living in the same state made it difficult but not impossible. He lost his fight with cancer November 17th, 2015.

My Dad was an exceptionally strong individual; I had never seen him weaken in my life until that diagnosis. He let it get him down in the beginning, but then he rose to the challenge and was his feisty self again. That’s the Father I knew; he worked so hard at everything he did. He instilled in his children that strong work ethic. He taught me not to give in to fear or failure. When I went to him with my concerns, he always built me up. No matter the mistakes I made, he did not tear me down ever. He gave me advice when I asked for it and yes even when I didn’t ask for it. He was very opinionated. My Dad didn’t go for me just laying down and giving up. He didn’t agree with all my choices in life, but he respected them and supported me. He was my cheerleader even when he wasn’t feeling so great. We had some of our best conversations this last two years. I will miss those conversations. I will miss the many times when I would call him, and he would respond to my “hi Dad” with “hey baby Raina.” I can’t share enough how much I love my Father. He left a legacy of love, commitment, loyalty, integrity, dependability, strength, humor, friendship, and family.

So what does this have to do with a reset? I decided just this last Sunday, after attending our companies yearly kickoff event, I needed to get out of my fog and get back to the things I had set out to do. Get back to writing this blog. Get back to getting in shape. Get back to work! I know my Dad wouldn’t want me just to sit here mourning him and doing nothing. I know he believed in working hard and moving forward in life, and that’s what I am determined to do. I am by no means over grieving the loss of my Father. I know it will continue to hurt my heart. I will go through some very hard days yet to come. A friend of mine had lost her mom and after my Dad died we were having a conversation. Later she sent me a text message saying: “I admire your strength and grateful to have you as a friend.” When I read that, I didn’t feel like I had any strength. Maybe she saw something in me that I didn’t see.  I won’t feel that strength every day, and frankly, I haven’t felt strong until just recently.  A friend of mine said “it is like sitting on a three-legged chair…your sitting totally fine and then all of the sudden the chair falls out from under you! It comes out of nowhere, and sometimes it takes a minute to get back on your chair”. So I know I will have those kinds of days, but I am determined to be the best person I can be, be the daughter my Father was so proud of! I love you, Dad…

It is going to be a great year. I have goals, I have made a plan! I am going to stick with my pland and reach my goals! How about you, do you have a goal for this year? Have you made a plan? No matter what happened last year, you can make this year better! I look forward to connecting with all of you through this blog and on the social media sites, you can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn & Instagram.

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.”
―Beverly Sills