love – Page 4

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The three C’s of a loving, lasting, happy marriage; commitment, communication and consistency. Not all of these come easy and sometimes they can be downright hard. I know from my 25-year marriage to my college sweetheart. I think that these three C’s are essential to marriage, no, let’s make that vital to a marriage. Yes, I do believe that there are principles in the Bible that can play a major role in a lasting, loving, happy marriage. In my blog, I am going to focus on the three C’s. I will break them up in a set of three blogs.

First Commitment, Websters dictionary says commitment is: a promise to be loyal to someone or something. How do you define commitment in a marriage? Many feel it comes from a sense of duty. Some people are afraid of the word commitment. Some compare it to a ball and chain that binds you to a wrong decision. And some don’t understand what real commitment is. I think of it more like an anchor. An anchor keeps a boat steady; commitment keeps a marriage steady. To be happy in your marriage, you need to feel more than just a sense of obligation to your spouse. Becoming best friends with your mate will help commitment grow in your relationship.

Marriage is not easy; it takes hard work. Commitment requires hard work and self-sacrifice. You have to be willing to compromise to please your mate. Too often one or the other in a relationship is not willing to yield. One may have the attitude of ” What’s in it for me?” How many selfish couples do you know who have a happy marriage? No matter how sweet the couple felt about each other when they first fell in love, if there is no commitment, then the relationship has less of a chance of lasting.

How do you strengthen your commitment in your marriage?

8 tips to help strengthen your marriage:

Make your marriage a priority: If you invested little or no time in your relationship, then your mate will find it difficult to believe you are committed. Make sure you spend time together regularly. Give them your undivided attention.
Actions: show your commitment by your behavior. Laugh together, date each other. Plan your future together.
Tell them: tell your mate you are committed to your marriage. Make sure you children know that your are committed to your spouse.
Remember: remember what you love about your spouse, remember all the positive parts of your relationship.
Goals: What do you see happening in your marriage? How do you want it to grow, where do you want it to improve.
Speech: Examine what you are saying to your spouse in the heat of an argument. Don’t say things you will later regret. You don’t want, to say things that undermine your commitment. But rather address the issue.
Ask: Look at mature couples, those who have weathered marital issues successfully. Ask them questions to gain insight on what commitment means to them and how that has helped their marriage.
Show it to everyone: Make it obvious that you are committed to your mate. Pictures of them at work, talk positively about them to friends and workmates. You will be emphasizing to others and yourself that you are committed to your spouse.

If you are experiencing problems in your marriage, now is the time to act! Now is the time to strengthen your commitment to each other. The tips above are just some that I have found useful. I hope you do too!

“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with.”
-Mary Ann Shaffer

This last year and a half has been somewhat of a rude awakening. I think I have been a little bit in a dream land. What I mean is I didn’t really realize I may have a limited time left with my parents. I was taking for granted the fact that they have been here and relatively healthy, not really believing or wanting to believe someday they might not be in good health or worse not even be here.

What brought me into reality? It was like a slap into reality really! The news that no child, brother, sister, parent, aunt, uncle, friend…pretty much no one wants to get. Cancer…my Dad has cancer. He actually had cancer years ago, prostate cancer and they took care of it with a prostatectomy. I have to say I kind of expected one day that my dad would be diagnosed with cancer. You see my Dad has a lot of cancer in his family. His father and three sisters all had cancer, three of those four died of it. So when my Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I thought “okay, this is going to be Dad’s cancer”. He had the surgery and went back for all his subsequent tests and it was gone. We were elated to say the least. The worst was done. He hasn’t had any problems with the prostate cancer since that time and still doesn’t.

Unfortunately the prostate cancer was not “Dad’s cancer”. He has a new and entirely different cancer, its far worse… stage 4 lung cancer. Just writing that makes me want to cry. Stage 4, no cure, just containment… I know there are a lot of you out there that can relate to this.

The space of time since my Dad was diagnosed in August of 2013 has been painful to say the least. My Dad has always been the strong one. I know most children feel their father is tough. But I am telling you this man was tough. He has been like a tree rooted deep in the ground when the storm is raging trying to tip him over. He has been the one keeping his own siblings together when they went through the loss of parents and siblings. He is a strong advocate of family. No matter what the issue, you work through it and keep the family close. That’s one of the many things I love about him. But watching this strong man deteriorate physically and see his own emotional struggle with the future has been heart wrenching. My Dad has been the voice of reason, the parent I came to when I needed some strength. I only found this side of my Dad later in my own adult life, although it’s been there all along, I just never realized it. I have always been close to my Mom and have pretty much gone to my Mother for everything so it has been a bonus to finally have that close relationship with my Father too. Fathers can be the voice of reason when your emotions are trying to rule your actions. I do believe men have this quality, my own husband is much like my Father in that way.

This new chapter in our life has been the rude awakening I talked about. It’s made me more aware of how time is precious and I need to take every opportunity to spend as much time as possible with my family, especially with my Dad and Mom. My parents live in Oregon, so I have to plan my trips in advance. I can’t just up and drive to see them like I used to when I lived in Oregon, only 2 hours away from them. I really enjoy my visits home. We spend quality time together, sometimes just sitting in the same room reading etc… It’s nice. It’s an added bonus that I am able to see my younger sister, her family & my younger brother on these trips home.

I encourage all of you to not take for granted the time left with your loved ones. Take the time now to spend with them. I am thankful my Dad is still here and no matter how much time is left with my parents, I will try very hard to not waste one precious moment of it.