Friendship

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

Elbert Hubbard

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Who is a true friend? A friend is not just an acquaintance. We may have many acquaintances—neighbors, colleagues, and people we meet now and again. A friend is a friend you can rely on, you connect with, and someone you are comfortable sharing your feelings with, someone who is a loving listener.

 Good friends are good for your health!

BakerBirden
Friends through the years

True friendship requires an investment of time, energy, and emotional commitment. It is an honor to be someone’s friend. Friendship brings privileges, but it also involves responsibilities. Friendship takes effort, but that effort is well worth the enjoyment and comfort you gain from a good friend. It involves give and take. At times you are the one giving support and at other times you are the one receiving it. Those times are part of what strengthens the friendship bond.

A good friend is someone who no matter how long it’s been since you have seen her, you are able to pick up as if no time has gone by at all. I feel very fortunate to have friends like that.

Friends traveling together
BrownBirden
Friends long distance

A close friend doesn’t always have to be someone outside your family, it could be a sister, a brother, cousin etc… We don’t always find this friend in our teen years, most women I know have found as we have aged and our lives have changed, our values are different and we have matured into the person we are today, this is when we have found our true friendships. Most definitely your mate should be your closest friend!

siblings
Siblings are friends!
siblings II
Siblings 🙂
cousins
Cousins are friends!
boys
Cousins!
Girlfriends & Cousins!

Here are 8 points I think are important in a true friend:

  • Improve your mood: Friends boost your happiness, happiness is infectious and spending time with positive people can elevate your mood.
  • Help reach goals: Friends can help you when you’re trying to get fit, write your first book, learn a new language, etc… Encouragement from your friend will boost your willpower and increase your chance of success.
  • Decrease your stress and depression: Friendship can reduce isolation and loneliness. It increases your sense of belonging, improves your self-confidence and self-worth.
  • Communication: Having good communication with our friends is a must. Having friends to turn to for company and support as we age and go through the heartache of losing a loved one is vital.
  • Be real: You can laugh or cry, act silly or serious, with a real friend you will feel the warmth of that connection. Friends will speak from the heart without fear of being belittled or having their confidences betrayed.
  • Forgiveness: We all make mistakes and might hurt the ones we love. A real friend can forgive the mistake when one is truly sorry. A real friend will reach out to you.
  • Loyalty: Loyalty is vital for friendship. True friends don’t gossip about each other, they have your back. You feel safe with those friends.
  • Celebrate: Real friends celebrate your victories with you. They cheer you on and want what is best for you. They are genuinely happy for you.

What do you look for in a friend, what’s important to you?

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller

Did You Really Have 8 Children?

When I let people know we have 8 children, their mouth drops and they typically say, “You have 8 children?” “You gave birth to 8 children?” No, no, no I did not give birth to eight children, let me explain.  My husband of 24 years and I have three children, two boys and a girl. We were a family of 5 for 12 years. In 2007 we received a telephone call from one of our nephews. There were loads of issues and the situation was not good for the children. My husband right away flew to Tulsa Oklahoma to check on the children. He had some work to do to gather up all the children and discover what was really going on. There are 5 nieces & nephews, two boys and three girls, 17, 14, 12, 10 and 6. They were in need of assistance. Someone else needed to take care of them. He ended up going before a judge to get temporary custody of them. To get them all home because of costs we made a decision that he would travel by Greyhound bus from Oklahoma to Oregon with all 5 children. That was quite the experience for him and the children. Although buying seats for all of them, most of the time he ended up having to give up the youngest child’s seat and have her on his lap for hours at a time. It was typical for the bus company to sell too many tickets, which resulted in not enough seats. I am sure they did that on purpose. If you have taken the Greyhound bus before, you know from ones own experience you meet some attention-grabbing people and the buses bathroom more often than not gives off a bad odor. Not a fun trip! I don’t think he will be back on a Greyhound bus for a long, long time.

We made room for the children in our house. At first we thought this would be brief and they would ultimately go back home. They were with us about a month when JJ was required to take the children back to Oklahoma to go before the judge. During the trial, the judge presented JJ with two possible choices. The children will be put in foster homes in Oklahoma or legal guardianship would be granted to us. The judge allowed him to make a quick call home to me so we could make the decision. Sometimes in life you are confronted with unanticipated decisions that you know will considerably modify your life. At times these decisions are not ideal so you have to think about what’s most important. Family is family and we could not find it in our hearts to desert these young ones.  There was only one choice and that was to bring them home to live with us. So our family expanded permanently from 3 children to 8! There of course were instant obstacles. Our three children had to adjust to the addition of 5 more children in our home, sharing their parents etc… But we worked through those challenges and we came out stronger and closer. The children have meshed well together.

Birden Family Photo 2008 By Cindy Rose Photography

Stayed in Oregon until 2010 and then moved as a family of 11 to Arizona. You should have seen the caravan traveling down Interstate 5. Yes 11, we brought JJ’s mother with us. We located a home that would accommodate this large family and made some modifications to who would be sharing rooms. We felt that the cousins should share rooms together, which would help to successfully combine the family. So we paired them up by age and same gender. It really has helped them to bond.

Birden Family By Loralei Photography
Birden Family 2014 By Loralei Photography

Now, kids are growing up and experiencing the typical stages of life, graduations, new cars, jobs and the oldest nephew has moved out.  JJ and I have done our best to supply an atmosphere they all can thrive in. From time to time it really does “take a village to raise a child.” In our case, it’s taken a lot more. I do want to thank my mother in-law Eyvonne for her help, my parents & siblings and all our dear friends in Oregon and Arizona for their help.  You know who you are.

Would love to hear about your own similar experiences. Please share in comments section.